Monday Morning Meetings.

I didn't manage to surface out of bed yesterday until about six o clock by which time everyone had finished the dinner that hubby had made and I was informed that mine was in the oven if I wanted it. I know I should be thankful that my other half is very good when it comes to helping around the house but it just kind of highlighted the fact that mother is a raving drunk who has managed to lose a whole day of her laugh whilst suffering the ill effects of the night before.  Needless to say I had a terrible nights sleep as I had spent the majority of the day hibernating.
So Monday morning and the usual moans of being unable to find sports kits that haven't been washed yet  despite the fact that I've had the whole weekend to do it, just confirms that I am the worst Mum in the world.
Once the boys have been safely delivered to school I decide to tackle Tesco despite not having a scrap of make up on and still feeling a little worse for wear if I'm honest. Isn't it bloody typical that on the morning I look like an extra from "Shaun of the Dead" that I bump straight into glamour Mum from my youngest's old primary school. We exchange greetings along the lines of long time no see and the usual things you say while feigning to be so delighted to have bumped into each other followed by her telling me "you look so well!" What a load of rubbish I think to myself before offering the same in return only she does look really well, slim, co-ordinated...shall I go on, in fact everything I am not.  I make my excuses about having to get back because I'm having a parcel delivered and vow as I rush off up the biscuit aisle that I am going to start putting make up on every day no matter how rushed or post hangover I happen to be. Ooops nearly missed the Hob Nobs and I need (yes NEED) them with a cup of tea when I get home to wait for my delivery..

The Morning After

Ouch! don't know what hurt most, my head, hips or my pride! It's on mornings like this that I wish I was one of those people who wake up and say "I don't remember a thing about last night." Unfortunately I remember every cringe worthy detail and even if I didn't remember I always have my wonderful offspring to remind me. I decide that it's probably safer to stay away from the hostile looks and underhand comments about how drunk Mum was last night. After all it's not my fault. You see nowadays I very rarely have a drink, I like a glass or two of Baileys at Christmas but unless there's a family party or funeral I am teetotal. So it's actually their fault, it's because of them that I am at home cooking, cleaning, washing and drinking tea instead of out practicing my drinking technique so that when we do socialise as a family I am better prepared to control myself whilst under the influence. So with the blame properly apportioned I am now able to drift back off to sleep and deal with the fallout later, after taking a couple of painkillers of course.

Embarrasing Mother!

"Sit down Mum"..the anguished cry from my middle son as I bop around the dance floor to "Let's Hear it For The Boy!"  I think I look cool but apparently that may just be the wine tricking me into thinking I'm as agile as I was in my twenties and a great mover. Not a view shared by my three sons who are on the touchline cringing at my every gyration.  Just as I go to sit down and relieve them from their embarrassment the DJ decides to prolong their agony by putting on one of my many favourite tunes and to make matter worse it's the 12 inch version. Oh how I feel for them, they didn't particularly want to come to the party anyway,  but I am still alive and as I twirl around the dance floor I find great hilarity from looking at their horrified faces.
You know how they say things usually get worse before they get better, well from my boys point of view (and mine too if I'm honest) this is exactly what happened. The DJ suddenly decided he would move towards a more "modern" song which, unfortunately for me included the line "bass down low" and that's when things got tricky, I had no trouble getting down low, on the contrary, it was the getting back up that was the problem!!  It was bad enough ending up down low and not being able to get up again but why oh why did I have to lose my balance and pull two other people with me!!  Cue lots of laughs from people that were not immediately related to me and dirty looks from the four people that were, oh yes hubby had now joined the gang of three and were hustling me out to the taxi with mutterings of "she'll regret this in the morning."